When Your Last Child Graduates: What I Wish I’d Known

If you’re the mom of a high school senior, you’re probably finding yourself in a strange little place right now.

You’re ordering graduation announcements, planning celebrations, taking approximately a million pictures, and trying to soak in all the lasts.

The last high school football game. The last prom. The last first day of school.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that, you’re probably thinking, How did eighteen years go this fast?

I’ve been there.

Both of our kids have graduated now, and while it’s been several years since I was in that season, I remember it pretty clearly.

The excitement. The pride. The uncertainty.

And the realization that life at home was about to look different.

Not bad. Just different.

If you’re heading into this season, here are a few things I wish someone had told me.

It’s Okay to Be Excited and Sad

This was probably the thing I struggled with most.

We were so proud of our kids—and still are. I was excited about what was ahead for them and grateful for the young adults they were becoming.

But I was also sad. Really sad.

We loved having them at home.

The busy schedules, the sports, the activities, the noise, and even some of the chaos that I probably complained about at the time.

So when graduation arrived, I wasn’t exactly celebrating the end of that season.

I was appreciating it.

There’s a difference.

If you’re feeling emotional right now, it doesn’t mean you’re not excited for your child. And it doesn’t mean you’re doing this transition wrong.

It probably just means you really loved the life you had.

I know we did.

You Don’t Have to Figure Out What’s Next Right Away

When our oldest left for college, I immediately felt like I needed to figure out what came next for me.

Our youngest could drive herself, and suddenly I was at home by myself.

So I did what I tend to do when I don’t know what to do and was trying to keep my emotions in check: I got busy.

I went back into the workforce full-time and threw myself into a new chapter.

There were a lot of good things that came from that. I learned a lot, grew professionally, and had experiences I wouldn’t trade… and a few I would.

But looking back, I don’t think I needed to rush quite so quickly.

There can be a lot of pressure in this season to figure out what’s next or find something to fill the space.

Also, can anyone say college funds?

It’s ridiculously expensive.

Your life has just changed. It’s okay to give yourself some time to get used to it.

You might know exactly what you want to do next.

You might have absolutely no idea.

Both are fine.

Pay Attention to What You Start Wanting Again

One of the nice things about having a little more space in your life is that you start noticing things you’ve put on the back burner.

For me, that has meant more time in the garden, working on our home, traveling, writing, and exploring interests that didn’t always fit easily into the busiest years of parenting.

Honestly, I have a lot of interests.

And it’s okay if you do too.

You don’t have to know exactly where any of them will lead.

Just pay attention to what you’re drawn to.

You might be surprised by what starts sounding fun again when you have a little more time.

Don’t Forget About the People Who Were There All Along

Another thing I didn’t fully anticipate was how much more time we would have for the people already in our lives.

My husband and I always made an effort to make time for just us. When the kids were little and we didn’t have a sitter, we’d just put the kids to bed early and have a “date night” at home.

But let’s be honest, life is busy when the kids are younger.

Or, in our case, when they were older and playing sports all over the Southeast.

Now there is more room for travel, date nights, long conversations, sunset boat rides, and just enjoying a regular Tuesday together.

The same is true with friends and family.

There is more time for a visit, a long lunch, or a phone call that doesn’t have to be squeezed in between soccer practice and dinner.

Those relationships don’t suddenly become more important.

You just have more room to enjoy them.

This Season Is Different

If I could tell a mom whose last child is graduating one thing, it would probably be this:

Give yourself some time.

Time to be sad.

Time to celebrate.

Time to get used to a quieter house.

And time to figure out what you want this next season to look like.

Whew.

That is so much easier for me to say now that I’m several years on the other side of it.

It’s not always easy. I remember that part.

But I also know now that the years with kids at home aren’t the only good years.

They were awesome and busy and exhausting. Full of things I didn’t appreciate nearly enough when we were in the middle of them.

But this season has good things, too.

There is more flexibility. More freedom.

More time for your marriage, your friendships, your family, your interests, your home, and maybe a few things you’ve been wanting to try for years.

You don’t have to recreate the life you had when your kids were home.

You get to figure out what you want this next version of life to look like.

And you don’t have to figure it all out this summer.

So take the pictures. Celebrate the heck out of your kid. Keep the tissues handy.

And when things get a little quieter, give yourself some time to see what you want to do with the space.

You might be surprised by how much you enjoy what’s waiting for you on the other side.